Saturday, May 22, 2010

What should I bring to a memorial service?

It is a memorial for a teen who commited suicide, do I bring flowers? They said memorial, not funeral so I'm not so sure.

What should I bring to a memorial service?
Flowers would be nice, but respect for the deceased, and condolescences for the family would go much farther.
Reply:You are not required to bring anything. If you bring flowers, you will have to give them to somebody to put with the other ones that were sent by floral shops, as the parents wiil be too full of grief and meeting people to take them there.

Just bring yourself, but be prepared to see a lot of crying.

Knowing that their child had a lot of friends will help them through this painful time.

Reply:Flowers, and card, and just be supportive to the family.
Reply:Bring happy thoughts and wonderful stories of the deceased to share with the family and friends.

Flowers wilt and die, sharing lasts a lifetime.
Reply:I recommend bring a dish of some sort!

"My grandfather died two years ago, and I am making this dish, called "kolliva," to bring to a memorial service."
Reply:Whatever you bring, if it brought genuinely from your memory of the teen will be correct.
Reply:You don't want to arrive at a memorial service carrying flowers. If you want to give flowers,then have the florist deliver them.

There might be a memorial fund or scholarship fund set up in the teen's name. If there is, you can donate money to that.

And unless they stated that there is a meal following, I'd steer clear of bringing a dish to pass! You could really look like an idiot!
Reply:The memorial service is for the living. The dead need nothing. Check with the funeral home regarding flowers, etc.
Reply:I wouldn't bring anything with me, directly, at least not something like flowers or a plant. Those are better delivered by a florist. If you have time, you can get a certificate from a Suicide Prevention organization stating that you made a donation in the name of the deceased. If there isn't time enough to get it done before the memorial, you can send it in a couple of weeks. A lot of people remark that they feel smothered during the immediate time of their bereavement and then isolated after the fact. A card/note a couple of weeks after the service would be a nice, subtle way to say that the family of the dead child is in your thoughts and/or prayers.

You don't even have a contribute to a suicide-themed charity, you can have a tree planted in the deceased name or donate through the Heifer Project...or really, anything. It would be a nice, lasting memorial that goes beyond a potted lily or flower arrangement. I think the family of the late person would like to know that a part of their loved one continues to live on in the world.
Reply:Bring yourself to support loved ones. You won't want to walk in with flowers, but if you want to send them, send them in advance. You can find out if they are requesting money for a charity or something like that. But you do not bring things to funerals. Just look nice.
Reply:If you aren't sure, maybe you should have something that doesn't need to be refrigerated (or if flowers, wrapped in something waterproof with a little water to keep it fresh) and keep it in your car (or concealed in a big shoulder bag if you walked or took public transportation) until you can see for yourself (after 20 minutes or so) if others have brought food or flowers.

I am so sorry to hear that a young person in your acquaintance died. Your presence will mean a lot to the family. By the way, don't try to find the right thing to say to these people who have suffered such a tragedy. Warm handshakes or hugs (if you know them well enough) and maybe a simple I'm so sorry will do just fine.
Reply:A sympathy card. Some cultures put money inside to help with the funeral expenses.

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