Saturday, May 22, 2010

Funeral & Wake. What's appropriate to do?

I'm not sure if I should go to my boss's mother wake/funeral. Never been to this in US :( Isn't it just for family/relatives? I'm working for him for 5 years now, seen his mother may be couple times. I've sent flowers with a note to funeral home, should I still go?

Thanks so much for your help!

Funeral %26amp; Wake. What's appropriate to do?
Definitely, go to the wake, which you can leave if you get uncomfortable. If possible, also go to the funeral. You may get a hint from your boss about that when you go to the wake.

Believe me, it is the physical presence of people, whether acquaintances, friends, or family that stays in a grieving person's heart.
Reply:If You has a close relationship with your boss you should go.

Being there might let the boss know that you are there for him professonally and personally!If you where invited do go!
Reply:depends how close you are w/your boss. You already sent flowers %26amp; a card, which is certainly enuf. If you're prett close, just go to the wake.
Reply:I agree it depends on your relationship with your boss, how close you are. You seen his mother a couple of times was it at his home or at the office. Funerals are for family/relatives and friends. It means a lot to people to see family, friends, co-workers at a funeral of a love one. I hope that helps.
Reply:Just go out of respect for your boss.
Reply:You should go to the wake just to pay your respects. You don't have to stay long (like maybe an hour.) The funeral would only be for family so you should not go to that.
Reply:You could go to one or the other, but sending flowers is appropriate also, he knows you were thinking of him in time of need. It is not limited to family, it is appropriate for any person who knew the deceased or family member of to attend.
Reply:I would go to the wake only and pay your respects.
Reply:I agree that if you have a close working relationship with your boss, then you should at least make an appearance. Just a brief visit, and saying how sorry you are for his loss is always appreciated. Funerals, unless specified in the obituary, are attended by both friends and family. Most people are grateful for any kind of comfort and support at that time. It was very nice of you to send flowers, also,
Reply:Just go to the funeral.... not as a relative but as a friend who just want to pay respect and also to comfort someone
Reply:I would go to the wake, but not the funeral. If you might feel uncomfortable, take a coworker or a spouse or an older family member. Honestly, older folks are sometimes more comfortable going to these things because they know and understand the ritual and have gone to them before. I always found it easier to ask a grandparent to go (or if it was a funeral in the family to remain by a grandparent) because they understand what is expected and appropriate.

My family is Irish-American and sometimes when a person on that side of the family dies, they still do a more traditional wake, but not in the home. People my mother's age in the family would not be uncomfortable with everyone coming to the funeral, but people my grandparents' age sometimes expect the funeral to be private and the wake to be a time for people to gather and remember. My Jewish friend who lost her mother to cancer at a young age (we were just in high school) found a lot of comfort in a similar ritual. It might feel weird at first, but it is totally acceptable to say "I didn't know the deceased very well, but I work with her son/daughter and I am here to support him/her." When my step-grandmother died, my stepdad's coworkers came and I know he really felt their support.
Reply:i think that you have done the right respectful thing by sending flowers and and a note may go to the church if you wish , the funeral home is for close people .......if you got instructions on how to get there ? please go , and stay very discreet ,on the back part away from family members ...........
Reply:i would go...if you only want to go to one, then go to the funeral....even tho you didn't know his mother, you are really not going for her anyways, but are going to support the grieving family....and no a wake is not just for family

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