An obituary said in lieu of flowers to give to an organization. Is it wrong to send flowers also?

My childhood friend's daughter died at 19. We are not super close, but talk twice a year. I am going to the funeral and don't know whether I should just do as the obituary says, or would they really appreciate flowers also. Does any one have any experience to help guide me? Thank you!

An obituary said in lieu of flowers to give to an organization. Is it wrong to send flowers also?
It is not wrong to send flowers. However, since you are going to the funeral, sending flowers is not necessary. Very often people send flowers as an expression of sympathy when they are not able to attend the visitation or funeral. After the funeral, it can be quite stressful dealing with all the flowers and plants that are sent. They are very welcome, but then there is that period afterwards when you are just overwhelmed with loose ends needing dealt with. Following the funeral service, flowers typically are dispersed among family and close friends and some are sent to hospitals or nursing homes as well. There are many reasons why a family may not want flowers. Perhaps many of the family is coming from a long distance and will not want to try to take flowers home with them, especially if they are flying. Sometimes it is personal and the family just doesn't want to have anything back at their home to remind them of the funeral of their loved one. It is best to honor the request of the family at a time like this. If they would have appreciated the flowers, then the obituary would not have made that statement.
Reply:Send money to the organization, and ask the organization to send a card to them acknowledging them of your donation. If you feel you need to, send a rose or two to the mother, not a big fancy basket or extravagant display of foliage. Or if you know what the daughter's favorite flower was, send that. Sunflowers and daisies would brighten the occasion as well.
Reply:if they said donations, then that is what they want, right?


i have no idea if they would appreciate flowers also.
Reply:You do what you can. That was a suggestion and a way to do something positive with the money because the flowers are expensive to just lay on the grave site or take to the family house. I would give to their choice of charities and maybe send a small arrangement with a note of the charity of sponsored.
Reply:It's not wrong, it's very thoughtful actually, they would just rather have the donation to the organization, than to have people spend money on flowers.
Reply:You can do both, if you wish. It is just that, sometimes, people view the short life of flowers and the expense associated them to be [hate to use this word!] wasteful; especially, when the money could be better spent on research for the disease that caused the death or hospice services, the financially struggling family, etc.
Reply:i would respect their wishes and donate to the charity if you want to do something