Monday, May 11, 2009

Is it better to give money or flowers at a funeral?

My friend died yesterday and his family does not have burial Insurance, so what should I do?

Is it better to give money or flowers at a funeral?
Etiquette dictates that you should send flowers or follow whatever requests the family makes. Some families request donations be made to a favorite charity in lieu of flowers.

Otherwise, simply let them know that if they need anything, you are available to help. At times like this, money is less of an issue than trying to get life back together. An offer to babysit so that the arrangments can be made would probably mean much more than money. Or you could offer to help with household chores. You would be surprised how this is a major issue during times like this, because the combination of having all sorts of friends and relatives stopping by to offer condolences, coupled with not having time to clean, can make many people very anxious.
Reply:The family may find a financial contribution more helpful , especially if they do not have burial insurance; however, how you choose to extend your sympathies is a very personal thing for you as well. You may want to wait for the obituary to see if they set up a fund for burial expenses. If they do, I would make a contribution to the fund rather than make a cash donation. That way, you know that your contribution is going for its intended purpose.
Reply:I would have to say money, Flowers are nice but they don't really matter if you are grieving the loss of a loved one. Grieving the loss and floating the bills is tough...
Reply:If you really think the family could be in financial difficulty with this, and you aren't looking for recognition, you can send an "anonymous contribution" to the family - of whatever amount you find appropriate. A cashier's check or money order can ensure anonymity. That can often be an incredible gift without putting the family in the uncomfortable position of accepting money or even acknowledging that they need money.
Reply:If you know there is specific need for money give that. However many are offended by cash gifts. If the peson has a favorite charity or cause a donation there is great. I am not sure of your age but if your friend had children who are not yet grown giving money in a college or trust fund for them is an option.
Reply:Pay for the insurance.. It would mean a great much to your friends family.. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend
Reply:The death of a loved one is so hard and made more difficult if the family has to also deal with funeral expenses. A hand written letter to the family and a monetary contribution will be treasured by loved ones much longer than the flowers.
Reply:wow. im so sorry, i know what it feels like, the same thing happened to me. however, i think money might be rude, but if you want to, ask his family if they need money, or if you could make a donation in his name, but you should probably just give flowers
Reply:I think the closer you are to the deceased, it is more appropriate to send flowers. If you are not so close, I would say a card with money is more appropriate.

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